Well, I was completely unable to get the damaged drain valve off. Stuck so hard that my channel-lock pliers (only tool I had that would fit) just chewed up the plastic.
Deciding that hot water trumps pride, I called in the pros. Valve replaced (with a much much better kind of valve), burnt elements replaced, and off we go.
Sometimes, you just have to swallow your pride and throw some money at the problem.
I'm going to go crawl under a rock now.
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